by Steve Desroches
The story of how Hilarie Tamar got her debut show to the stage at the Crown and Anchor is so tender and sweet as well as an affirmation of Provincetown at its best, it makes you cry. And as a self-described “cry baby” Tamar would love it if you did too, as she thinks working through and acknowledging your emotions is good and healthy. If she feels like crying, she lets it rip, be it in happiness, sadness, or as a reaction to beauty, kindness, and strength. Being true to herself and in touch with her emotions is what go her to this moment as she present Cry Baby, a rock and roll cabaret featuring the work of Janis Joplin, Stevie Nicks, Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart, and Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine, women who have touched and inspired Tamar in some way, and influenced her in such a way it led to the spotlight.
Born and raised in New Jersey, Tamar sang in her high school choir. But she smiles and admits she was a bit of a trouble maker, in that she didn’t take crap from anyone, including her teachers. As such, she never got a solo or was invited to the select chorus. In addition, she didn’t fit in in her suburban hometown where cookie-cutter homes and conformity were the norm. It was listening to rockers like Janis and Stevie that got her through: their strength, their clarity, and their ability to communicate heartbreak and resilience all in the same note. After high school she largely kept her singing to herself as she traveled around the country living in Oregon, California, and Texas before coming home to New Jersey. There she landed a gig as a nanny, and as fate would have it, one of the parents of the family she worked for was a former member of the Gold Dust Orphans, Ryan Landry’s theatrical troupe who are legends in Provincetown. For a couple of weeks in the summer Tamar traveled with the family for a vacation in Truro, with daily visits to Provincetown. It was love at first sight.
“I didn’t put it together that anyone could move here, that anyone can make it work here,” laughs Tamar. “I don’t know why I thought that! It just felt like this magical place and I couldn’t imagine being a part of it all.”
That all changed when a friend of her employers who lives in Provincetown had a baby and was looking for a nanny for the busy summer season. Tamar jumped at the opportunity spending the summer of 2022 here. But her singing was largely kept to just around friends and the occasional karaoke night. And on one particular evening at the Governor Bradford she comedically heckled artist and singer Mike Sullivan while he was singing Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” as Tamar provided vocal runs up the scale as backup. Sullivan and friends were wowed and insisted she needed to sing publicly. That led to her performing at Showgirls and winning every show for the month of July. And then it led to bookings and offers to appear in musical revues and cabarets all over town. Tamar didn’t only find her voice here in Provincetown, but also acceptance and self-confidence. Having struggled with body image and body dysmorphia for years, one day she decided to wear a bikini to the pool at the Provincetown Inn. Her anxiety soon gave way to glee as folks looked at her swimwear, snapped a finger and said “fierce.” She’s channeling it all into her show.
“The whole point of the show is to feel and explore your emotions and to be yourself,” says Tamar. “And that’s what Provincetown is all about, too. When I walk through this town I’m stimulated by the beauty, by the beauty of the scenery, the people, the architecture, the energy. People are free to be how they truly are here. I’m so comfortable being myself here. I don’t feel judged in anyway. I feel like I belong here. I feel celebrated. Everyone can be themselves and feel safe. I’ve traveled a lot all over the country and I don’t think a show like this would happen for me anywhere but here.”
While Provincetown is supportive of creativity and imagination, Tamar herself is of course the driving force behind her success. One of her jobs that summer of 2022 was as a cocktail server at the Crown and Anchor and she watched all the shows she worked with a keen eye and a dream that she would one day have her own show. In addition, most of her friends in Provincetown are drag queens as is her roommate Jonathan Joseph Peters, otherwise known as Vivienne Fontaine as well as a cast member of season seven of Project Runway. She feverishly worked on the concept, the set list, designed the set, and worked with her drag pals on costuming, makeup and hair and put it all in a Power Point presentation and made an appointment with Crown and Anchor owner Jonathan Hawkins who already loved her voice, but was so impressed with her professionalism he gave her her very first solo show ever. Even talking about it makes her eyes misty.
“I just found what I was always looking for here immediately,” says Tamar. “I feel the love and support from this community and an acceptance for my passion, vision, and voice. It’s all in the show and I can’t wait to share it.”
Hilarie Tamar presents Cry Baby every Thursday at 7:30 p.m. now through September 21 at the Crown and Anchor, 247 Commercial St. Tickets ($35/$45) are available at the box office and online at onlyatthecrown.com . for more information call 508.487.1437.
