^{Payton St. James, Marissa Miller, and Vivienne Fontaine in The Golden Mean Girls 
Photo: Michael Todd}

Review by Steve Desroches

The mash-up parody production at the Post Office Cabaret of The Golden Mean Girls’ promotional tagline “Thank you for being a friend…but you still can’t sit with us” is the best marketing line since Jaws 2 introduced “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.” It also perfectly captures the hilarious braid of the two beloved classics, the sitcom The Golden Girls and the 2004 film Mean Girls in this latest comedic theatrical offering by actor and writer Jamie Morris, the force behind previous hit shows like Schartt$ Creek and The Devil Wears Payless. 

The Golden Mean Girls is a tight, fast-paced romp with great performances, clever co-mingling of two well-known stories, as well as great parodies of iconic characters. Set in Miami, the story has young Cady Heron coming to live with Rose, Sophia, Dorothy, and Blanche to attend high school in the United States after growing up in Africa and being home-schooled by her parents. Told as a dream in a flashback, the familiar Miami seniors turn into high school seniors, becoming the A-list clique the Plastics: Regina George, Gretchen Wieners, and Karen Smith, with Dorothy becoming the goth crypto-lesbian Janis Ian and Marissa Miller as the naïve Cady, providing an anchor to the ensuing comedy chaos. The cast doing campy double duty includes Vivienne Fontaine as Rose/Karen, Jamie Morris as Blanche/ Regina, Payton St. James as Sophia/Gretchen, Beatrix Eglantine Aurthurson as Dorothy/Janis, and each excels in the delightful idiosyncrasies of The Golden Girls characters, making their transformation to bitchy teenagers all the more delicious. How many high school students bring a rattan purse to class or tell St. Olaf stories in the cafeteria? With the able pen of Morris, it all works as he leans into the comedy of the source material, adding both sweet and searing satire that sticks as well as Sophia’s marinara sauce to her pasta.

While The Golden Mean Girls has wide appeal, it is geared for fans of both the TV show and the film. And it would be worthwhile to binge watch The Golden Girls on the Hallmark channel as well as give Mean Girls another look as the show goes on a deep reference dive to each. If you know who Frieda Claxton is, what the term fetch means, appreciate Bea Arthur’s unique fashion sense, and know that eventually somebody is going to get hit by a bus, then The Golden Mean Girls is the perfect show for you. But even if you are not a die-hard fan, the comedy transcends a strict understanding of references as the talented cast delivers the jokes to land as softly or hard as an audience member is ready for. The result is a real treat of a night at the Post Office Cabaret.

The Golden Mean Girls is at the Post Office Cabaret, 303 Commercial St., now through November 2. For tickets ($35/$45) and specific show dates and times visit the box office or go online to postofficecafe.net. For more information call 508.487.0006.